| The primary purpose of this book is to provide a convenient, single source for students and others who want to accurately understand the major issues gays and lesbians face that involve marriage and cohabitation, parenting and coparenting, child custody and adoption, coming out to family members, and living in stepfamilies, among other issues central to marriage and family life in America at the dawn of the 21st century. This book will also prove to be valuable for those interested in anticipating changes in our laws and social conventions that will affect gay and lesbian marriage and family life in the near future; for homosexuals who want to enjoy the same economic, health, and other benefits afforded to both legally married and longtime, cohabiting heterosexual couples; and for all individuals interested in civil rights—since the estimated two million (the lowest estimate) to 30 million (the highest estimate) men and women who are gay or lesbian in America are the only adult citizens denied the right to legally marry a person of their choice; and they are generally discriminated against by the legal system and public alike when it comes to adopting children or retaining custody of their children in divorce cases involving a heterosexual spouse. Today, these historical prohibitions and restrictions are buckling under the weight of changing social attitudes, and we appear to be at a revolutionary turning point in society, involving acceptance of same-sex marriage and child adoption and custody rights, if not the legalization of these phenomena. The reality of same-sex marriage and parenthood also has profound ramifications for the psychological and emotional lives of the individuals involved. These individuals include, of course, not only the gays and lesbians who cohabit, marry, or become parents, but also their immediate and extended family members, and the children they raise. Since it is estimated that many, if not most, families have at least one member who is gay or lesbian, these revolutionary changes will likely affect most members of society. What are the psychological, emotional, economic, and legal issues involved in same-sex marriage and parenthood? Can expansion of gay and lesbian marriage and family rights have negative, as well as positive, outcomes, for both the individuals directly involved and society as a whole? Should gay and lesbian individuals expect changes in the laws and social conventions over the next several years that will fundamentally transform their relationship to the institutions of marriage, family, and parenthood? The answers to these and related questions are presented in this book, which brings together a collection of highly informed articles written by leading scholars in social science, social work, clinical psychology, and the law. We believe these answers—which are based on findings from research studies and case analyses—will be of interest and value not only to gays and lesbians and their family members, but to everyone concerned about the issues and trends that involve same-sex marriage and family life—including social scientists, lawyers, politicians, family practitioners, clinical therapists, social workers, and journalists. The remainder of this Preface contains a brief overview of the articles, in the order they appear in the anthology, to orient the reader to the selections and show how they are related to each other. Elizabeth M. Dolan and Marlene S. Stum (p. 1), in “Economic Security and Financial Management Issues Facing Same-Sex Couples,” examine the financial management and economic security issues that confront same-sex couples under our changing legal and social conditions, which have received little attention to date. During their analysis, the authors document the various ways same-sex couples experience economic rights and responsibilities in a context that differs from that of married, heterosexual couples, and conclude that family professionals should be knowledgeable about the context and scope of these issues to be able to educate their constituent groups appropriately, deal with clients in therapy, and inform and influence policymakers. Angela Bolte (p. 25), in “Do Wedding Dresses Come in Lavender? The Prospects and Implications of Same-Sex Marriage,” analyzes the concept of marriage in the U.S., reviews contemporary legal and social definitions, and critiques current literature and U.S. federal and state laws, arguing that legalized same-sex marriage would be beneficial to the institution of marriage. In reaching her conclusion, Bolte outlines the debate over legalization of same-sex marriage, highlights perspectives that question its possibility, reviews court decisions that have resisted legalization and outdated tradition-based laws, documents the growing population of gay and lesbian couples with children, and criticizes both legal and ethical arguments against same-sex marriage and arguments for gays and lesbians to develop alternative traditions. Candan Duran-Aydintug and Kelly A. Causey (p. 47), in “Custody Determination: Implications for Lesbian Mothers,” use the findings from their in-depth interviews with district court judges, attorneys, guardian ad litems, and court evaluators in Denver, Colorado, to explore the issues lesbian mothers face in child-custody cases. They conclude the respondents agreed that in Colorado courts— even though a mother’s sexual orientation should only be treated as an issue when it creates adverse effects on the child’s mental and emotional well-being—judges in many cases decide against these mothers solely based on their sexual orientation, without taking any evidence into account. Bernie Sue Newman and Peter Gerard Muzzonigro (p. 65), in “The Effects of Traditional Family Values on the Coming Out Process of Gay Male Adolescents,” examine the development of homosexual identity among a sample of ethnically and racially mixed gay male youth 17-20 years of age, and operationalize the process of “coming out” to family members and others in three stages: sensitization; awareness accompanied by guilt, shame, confusion, and denials; and acceptance. Their findings show that adolescents who come from families with a strong emphasis on traditional values perceive family members as less accepting of homosexuality than adolescents from less traditional families; and that traditional family values better predict the coming out experience than does race. The researchers conclude from their study that nonwhite gay male youth need additional support in the coming-out process, because they are likely to encounter stigmatization and disapproval, not only from the dominant society, but also from their families, peers, and even from the gay community itself. Pauline I. Erera and Karen Fredriksen (p. 80), in “Lesbian Stepfamilies: A Unique Family Structure,” examine the structure and dynamics of the lesbian stepfamily, arguing for adopting a strengths perspective by considering the lesbian stepfamily as a distinctive family style in its own right. They draw upon the research literature on heterosexual stepfamilies to review the similarities and differences between these family styles, including parents’ gender, family variations, stereotypes, social attitudes toward nontraditional families, formal marriage, residential and nonresidential family members, parenting, and ambiguous role expectations. From their analysis, the authors conclude there should be culturally-appropriate practice tailored to the needs of lesbians within their family systems, and they consider the implications of their analysis for social work research. Susan O’Dell (p. 95), in “Psychotherapy with Gay and Lesbian Families: Opportunities for Cultural Inclusion and Clinical Challenge,” focuses analysis on the many gay men and lesbians who are making decisions to have children, either through pregnancy, adoption, or by blending their families. Noting that these families may seek psychotherapy for help with dynamic issues which confront all families from time to time, the author, based on her experience with clients, presents a context for clinicians to deepen their understanding of cultural and clinical aspects of gay and lesbian parenting. This context is discussed through the application of concepts from self psychology within the framework of narrative theory in order to validate gay and lesbian family experiences through the creation and understanding of their family narratives. Catherine Connolly (p. 109), in “The Description of Gay and Lesbian Families in Second-Parent Adoption Cases,” notes that lesbians and gay men are turning to the courts to recognize their family relationships, reviews every reported court decision where a lesbian or gay couple has successfully completed a second-parent adoption, and analyzes the presentation and judicial analysis of the petitioning parties in conjunction with the current debates within family theory. In her discussion, the author distinguishes the perspectives of traditional family theorists, on the one hand, who argue that the contemporary family is in transition but will always be recognizable as the traditional family, and postmodern theorists, on the other hand, who argue that the traditional “family” is a fiction. From her findings, Connolly concludes that judges in second-parent adoption cases rely on a traditional definition and vision of the family in evaluating the gay and lesbian petitioners before them. Amy L. Hequembourg and Michael P. Farrell (p. 126), in “Lesbian Motherhood: Negotiating Marginal-Mainstream Identities,” after noting that the identity of lesbian-mother combines a marginalized identity (lesbian) with one of the most revered mainstream identities (mother), present findings from in-depth interviews with 9 lesbian-mothers (24-48 years of age)—using a symbolic interaction framework—that show the strategies lesbian birth mothers and comothers employ to gain acceptance for their marginal-mainstream identities in their family networks. Exploring the process of identity negotiation in three realms of everyday experience —relationships with extended families, relations within the nuclear family, and lesbian relationships that have ended—the researchers report that the respondents experience varying levels of resistance from their social networks, with comothers being especially vulnerable due to their lack of both biological and legal substantiation. Ramona Faith Oswald (p. 149), in “Family and Friendship Relationships After Young Women Come Out as Bisexual or Lesbian,” reports findings from interviews with college-age bisexual or lesbian women who had recently come out, and 25 of their family members and friends, to learn how the women’s coming out affected their relationships. From a separate inductive qualitative analysis of each woman’s experience, using grounded theory coding techniques, the researcher finds changes in the women’s communication, relationship structures, and beliefs. Communication changes include talking about coming out, engaging in conflict, and asking questions of self and others. Changes in relationship structure include building community and negotiating closeness and distance. Changes in beliefs include testing one’s own sexuality and changing one’s mind about bisexual and homosexual people. Overall, Oswald concludes from her study that coming out is embedded within the relationships and events of everyday life. Roni Berger (p. 171), in “Gay Stepfamilies: A Triple-Stigmatized Group,” explains that while stepfamilies are the emerging modal form of family structure in America, gay and lesbian stepfamilies represent a small percentage of this general population, and are still generally perceived to be “nonexistent,” by both the public and research professionals. In particular, gay stepfamilies have rarely been studied empirically, and as a result, there is scant clinical knowledge about them, and few specialized services exist to address their needs. Adding to the scarce body of knowledge on gay stepfamilies, Berger analyzes this population and shows why they are a distinctive group with unique characteristics and issues—especially the “triple stigmatization” they face: they are stigmatized by the general public for their sexual orientation and by the gay community and society at large for being gay parents and for being in a stepfamily. Based upon her analysis, the author offers measures to change the situation for gay stepfamilies. Susan E. Barrett (p. 195), in “Children of Lesbian Parents: The What, When and How of Talking about Donor Identity,” addresses two critical factors for children born to lesbians through donor insemination, who reach an age where they want information on the donor: (1) the integrity of the lesbian-headed family unit and how that differs from families headed by heterosexuals; and (2) the integrity of the child, including her or his biological self. Based on case examples of families dealing with the issues of knowledge, biological and social identity, the donor and the family, and problems encountered both by the parents and the child in greater society, the author concludes that children can learn the skills necessary for integrating all this information if the adults around them are conscious of the issues and problems, know the children’s personal strengths for coping, and can help them learn how to pull together the diverse factors that make their lives their own. Patricia Groves and Connie Schondel (p. 209), in “Lesbian Couples Who are Survivors of Incest: Group Work Utilizing a Feminist Approach,” examine the formation and composition of a support group for lesbian couples who are coping with the repercussions of childhood sexual abuse. These repercussions include a range of intrapersonal and interpersonal difficulties, such as fear of intimacy and mistrust of others, feelings of low self esteem and inadequacy, extreme isolation, and sexual dysfunction. During the course of their analysis, the authors describe the adoption of a feminist perspective, discuss the roles of the cofacilitators, identify and describe themes central to the lives of the survivors—including fears of abandonment and parenting conflicts, which emerged over the course of the group—and explore group development and dynamics as they relate to these themes. Barbara K. Eisold (p. 221), in “Recreating Mother: The Consolidation of ‘Heterosexual’ Gender Identification in the Young Son of Homosexual Men,” analyzes the case of Nick, the 4 1/2-year-old son of two fathers, who began immediately to contend with the unmourned loss of “Mommy,” his first babysitter, after she was precipitously fired when Nick was 2 1/2 years old. The author analyzes how Nick then created his own mother figure with whom to take up the task of becoming a boy/man with a woman as his primary love object, and describes several factors, including internal “working models,” as having determined this stance preoedipally. Eisold also discusses Oedipal dynamics in the case of Nick, and raises questions about when father pairs should disclose to the child the nature of their commitment. Sandra L. Caron and Marjorie Ulin (p. 239), in “Closeting and the Quality of Lesbian Relationships,” note that lack of support for lesbian relationships results from closeting, and that this lack of support creates a unique context in which lesbians develop and maintain their relationships. Based on these tenets, the researchers conducted a survey study to determine how the quality of lesbian couples’ relationships are affected by the degrees of openness versus secrecy they exhibit with family and friends. Quantitative analysis of the questionnaire data, collected from 124 lesbians living in New England who were currently involved in a couple relationship, show that particular family behaviors, such as inviting a member’s lesbian partner to family events and accepting demonstrations of affection between the couple, can also influence their relationship. The authors conclude that their findings underscore the importance of support from family members for lesbian relationships, and indicate a research need to include multiple measures of closeting in future studies. Peter Nash Swisher and Nancy Douglas Cook (p. 251), in “Bottoms v. Bottoms: In Whose Best Interest? Analysis Of a Lesbian Mother Child Custody Dispute,” analyze the Virginia child custody case Bottoms v. Bottoms, in which Pamela Bottoms alleged that her daughter was unfit to raise her son because she was a lesbian. The authors point out that, in dealing with child custody cases involving gay or lesbian parents, the courts generally employ one of three tests to determine custodial fitness: a “per se” approach, which denies custody or visitation rights on the sole basis of a parent’s homosexual conduct; a “presumptive approach,” which considers evidence of active homosexual conduct in the home sufficient cause to deny custody; or a “nexus approach,” which holds that a parent’s sexual orientation should only be considered when there is evidence that the conduct has an adverse effect on the child. In the Bottoms case, custody was denied in the district court and on appeal in the circuit court, on a per se basis, but the appeals court overturned the trial court’s decision on a nexus basis. The state supreme court, however, then overturned the appeals court’s decision. From analysis of this case, the authors conclude that the trial court incorrectly applied a measure from an earlier decision that the supreme court ignored, that the supreme court’s decision did not clarify whether it recognized a per se or nexus parental unfitness rule, thus further confusing the issue. |